Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
