This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
