Its about making memories worth repressing
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
