i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
