i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
tonight lets celebrate not being married
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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