oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
3pm strippers are depressing
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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