The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
