Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
