You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
