brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
