I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
