too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
