Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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