Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Swine flu. Run for my life!
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
