Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
