mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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