and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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