apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
