Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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