at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Damn victory sex feels great
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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