I wish I only lived at night.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My day in three words: secret purse cake
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
