So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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