When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
The ass gains better be worth it
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