ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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