Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
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