ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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