my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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