What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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