Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
