Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
