peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
