You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
