Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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