i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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