Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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