im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
