Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
