Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm too high and old for this...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
