i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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