Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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