I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
