you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
