i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
So vagazzling was a success
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
