Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.