I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then