sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like