Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.