my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
