I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye