She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.