i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
We just shotgunned beers for America
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program