Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
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I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
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it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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