I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
