i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
