Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
