Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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