my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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