Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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