Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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