TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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