Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
