he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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