Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
