U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
it glows. i had to have it.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
