the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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