Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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