I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
