It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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