I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
