i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
