I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
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So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
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Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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