ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
My liver just broke up with me...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
