How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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