What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
