I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize